Yes, I realize I'm late to the party. But this show is phenomenal. Possibly not the most positive thing for me to watch while frequently feeling isolated as an outsider and confined to my "prison" of an apartment, but entertaining nonetheless. So, after having devoured the first season, I've come to the conclusion that moving to a foreign country for an amazing position at a prestigious school for at least two years (albeit it was my dream) has a lot of similarities with someone (also blonde, pretty, upwardly mobile, and highly educated) going to prison. In short, Piper and I were both completely unprepared for the new life that awaited us.
And here we go, how moving abroad is much like going to prison:
1. You both leave your family behind. Ironically, however, it's much easier for your family to come visit you in prison than in a foreign country,
2. You leave your closest friends behind while continuing to get updates on their fabulous lives "on the outside" (or, in my case, back home). See above note about visitation.
3. You breakup with your significant other, if not immediately when you leave then after you both realize it's unrealistic
4. You both have to deal with major cliques. In "Orange in the New Black," the cliques are mostly based on race and ethnicity. In my world, the locals tend to hang out with one another and the gringos tend to hang out with one another. But within the gringo side, several mini-cliques form pretty much immediately upon arrival. During the interview process and upon your arrival, you are given the (false) impression that all the gringos become friends, but -in retrospect- how realistic is that? Would I even want to be friends with some of these people back home? Not so much. A few of them, I kid you not are TOXIC. I am struggling with adjusting enough as it than to feel I have to pander to hang out with people who have decided (in classic groupthink) that they don't want to hang out with me before they even made an effort to get to know me. In the "real world" back home, would I ever have moved in with someone I barely knew (whose habits and lifestyle disgusted me) and who was dismissive and rude and frequently attacked me verbally? (And thus led me to move for a second time in two months in a new country.) At least in prison you get assigned a random roommate who hasn't BEGGED you to live with them and then does a complete personality 180 when you move it.
My experiences are this: Your first month in your new country is essentially an audition. If you perform well and pass the tests the "older gringos" (meaning those who are in their second year or have stayed at the school longer than their original two year contract), you are accepted into the fold of the "cool kids." If not, good luck! Heaven forbid you have difficulty adjusting to life in a new country (like Piper and her adjustment to prison), or are going through something personal (like breaking up with a long term boyfriend who wanted to marry you), or have issues with moodiness or sensitivity. You are OUT. They may be nice to your face, if you're lucky. But know they are talking trash behind your back.
Think of the pilot episode, poor Piper trying to do her best, make pleasant conversation, and then she mentioned that the food was disgusting... to the woman who happened to be the head chef. She was then blackballed, as you too might be if you don't behave "properly enough" (even thought the "cool kids" get wasted all the time, but it's okay for them), and -as a result- you too will soon feel your social isolation. So although you're in a new country, have left your friends and family and boyfriend (now ex) behind, your first month is truly your audition period. It's so wrong, but it is what is is. Yes, you're going through an unbelievable amount of stress and change and would be nice to have some friends in the same boat to talk things over with. But if you've already failed to jump through their hoops, go find another shoulder to cry on. Or better yet, don't cry at all. Because crying meant you
re too sensitive and no one wants to feel as though they have to "walk on eggshells" around you.
Meanwhile, while you're crying yourself to sleep at night, the "cool girls," they're just transitioning without any bumps in the road. They are suddenly besties and taking weekend trips every weekend and posting "I love these girls!" and "Best Weekend Ever!" photos on faceboook. They may, if you're lucky, give you another "audition" after a month or so, but you best be on your best behavior. Don't drink too much. Don't share too much. Be just bland enough to follow along with the herd. Otherwise, they'll continue to be nice to your face at school, but you'll see them all with their suitcases at school on Fridays on their way to (yet another) weekend trip. No, you were invited. Did you want to be? I think it hurts the most because these were the people I THOUGHT would be my friends. We're the single ones in the same age range! But not so much.
Just had to vent. But if people are going to judge me
based on my first month in a new country after leaving my family and
friends and breaking up with my long-term BF, what am I do? I have to
consistently remind myself that I am who I am and those who like me will
and those who don't, don't. We can all make positive changes in our
lives, but I'm not the only one with work to do. But have I called out
any of these girls as they have called me out? Nope. My goal is, in
time, to make my own friends and go on my own girl trips so I no longer
feel left. But it still sucks to know a group has formed and you are intentionally being left out for who you are as a person (especially when I consider myself to be a good person).
Especially in a new country while trying to build a new life.
Like I've said, I've become friends with two other girls at my school and I really like them both. But one is married and one lives with her boyfriend, so I kind of always feel like the fifth wheel. I enjoy spending time all five of us, and like the husband and the boyfriend, but it would nice to have some single girlfriends around my age who'd be up for taking trips, exploring, etc. Not that married people and couples can't do that; it's just tougher. I also have two new gay besties. It's nice hanging out with a guy and not worrying about all the dating nonsense. But still missing: 1) single girlfriends, and 2) straight, tall, successful guys to date.
5. Starting Season 2 now. Stay tuned for more Moving Abroad Can Feel Like Prison updates.
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