And I'm feeling good...

In case you haven't noticed by my posts lately, I haven't been in the best of spirits as of late. For some reason though, the past two days I've been in a better mood. I think (and I know this sounds silly) it has something to do with something a new friend posted on his facebook. I had to repost it because it resonated so strongly with me. Here it is:

The ones that resonated with me the most were #5, #9, #10, and #11.

#5 and #9) Never speak bad about myself and be kind to myself. This is a daily struggle. I tell myself I'm a failure because I'm not where I thought I would be at my age. I thought I would be married with children. Looking on facebook, it seems like everyone else is (which is partially why I felt the need to quit FB last month). Of course, we know that most people only project their best selves and the best parts of their lives on FB. I mean, who wants the world to know that we are struggling or that we are simply keeping up a facade?

Now, when I find myself comparing myself to others (which is often) and feeling bad about my "lot in life," I try to tell myself I am where the Universe wants me to be. I may be struggling, but all of those "happy" and "perfect" people most likely have struggles of their own as well. They may be living boring, domestic lives in loveless marriages for all we know. Since becoming a teacher five years ago, I had a dream to live and teach in a Spanish-speaking country. I made that happen, and I should feel good about myself for that. The rest, hopefully, will follow.

#10) Let go of what I can't control. I had some issues with some of the teachers when I first got here; they told me I was "too sensitive" and "too emotional" and that that made them feel as though they were "walking on eggshells" around me. Yes, I am a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). Yes, this is actual thing (found in about 15-20% of the population) and, if interested, you can read more about it here: http://www.hsperson.com/

My senses do get overwhelmed. But I should not have to apologize for who I am or beg for anyone's friendship. If someone has been ugly to me in the past, and I have to see them everyday, I have to let go of the anger. I cannot control the way they acted toward me in the past, nor can I control the way they treat me now. I am who I am. They are who they are. We all have our own "stuff." Perhaps some of the rudeness was projected onto me for things they are going through. Who knows? But no use dwelling on the past. I have to learn to live in the NOW.

#11) Stay away from drama and negativity. This one has perhaps been the most difficult. I was bombarded with a lot of potentially negative setbacks upon moving to a Costa Rica to pursue my dream. Leaving all that was comfortable, leaving my family and friends, selling my beloved Acura and becoming car-less for the first time since the age of sixteen, breaking up with a long-term boyfriend who wanted to marry me, difficulty making friends, moving twice in three months, having my cell phone stolen, a health scare-- all while figuring out the way things work at a new (and very prestigious) school. I could see these at setbacks, and -for so long-- I felt like the Universe was "against me" and "out to get me" and that perpetual unhappiness was just the way it would always be for me. But I'm now, finally, in the process of not only noticing, but of trying to change these thought patterns. I can either see all of these things at setbacks or as opportunities for growth. It's MY choice. I am trying to learn to choose the latter.

More later about good people the Universe has miraculously brought into my life at just the right time. Now, back to grading Science tests.

Pura Vida,

t