1. Why do Costa Ricans walk so effing slowly? And in the middle of the sidewalk no less? Yes, I get it. You are both 22 and you had your precious 4 year old when you were 18 and -somehow, miraculously- you managed to stay together and become a somewhat grownup family. But does that justify walking slowly with a toddler/ small child smack-dab in the middle of an already dangerous sidewalk? (See earlier posts about major faults in in basic infrastructure here, like sidewalks.) We're talking the sidewalks are so bad you cannot look anywhere but down. Pothole? Pile of trash? Pile of shite? One shoe? Any and all are possibilities. But no one cares. Why? Because, apparently, Costa Rica consistently ranks amongst "the happiest countries in the world."
2. Why are Costa Ricans consistently voted so highly amongst the "happiest people on the planet"? When I first decided to move here, these "stats" were just what I needed to hear. Austin was starting to get too trendy, too hipster, and too expensive (which had been starting long before I arrived in 2009). Happiest country in the world? Uber-prestigious private school after teaching at Title I schools for four years? Count me in. But a measurement of happiness? How quantitatively can this be determined? Still, I chose to look the other way. Maybe the same way Ticos do with sidewalks laden with potholes, shite, and shoes.
3. Why did I think I was weak? Thursday was my four month-aversary here in CR. I may not have had the smoothest of transitions, but this was my dream and I made it become a reality. Yes, I left my family and friends behind. Yes, I left behind a boyfriend who wanted to marry me. I will never know if this was the "right" decision, but it is now THE decision and I have to learn to live with it and move forward.
Pura vida and potholes,
t
Saturday, November 22, 2014
Friday, November 21, 2014
How moving abroad can feel like "Orange is the New Black"
Yes, I realize I'm late to the party. But this show is phenomenal. Possibly not the most positive thing for me to watch while frequently feeling isolated as an outsider and confined to my "prison" of an apartment, but entertaining nonetheless. So, after having devoured the first season, I've come to the conclusion that moving to a foreign country for an amazing position at a prestigious school for at least two years (albeit it was my dream) has a lot of similarities with someone (also blonde, pretty, upwardly mobile, and highly educated) going to prison. In short, Piper and I were both completely unprepared for the new life that awaited us.
And here we go, how moving abroad is much like going to prison:
1. You both leave your family behind. Ironically, however, it's much easier for your family to come visit you in prison than in a foreign country,
2. You leave your closest friends behind while continuing to get updates on their fabulous lives "on the outside" (or, in my case, back home). See above note about visitation.
3. You breakup with your significant other, if not immediately when you leave then after you both realize it's unrealistic
4. You both have to deal with major cliques. In "Orange in the New Black," the cliques are mostly based on race and ethnicity. In my world, the locals tend to hang out with one another and the gringos tend to hang out with one another. But within the gringo side, several mini-cliques form pretty much immediately upon arrival. During the interview process and upon your arrival, you are given the (false) impression that all the gringos become friends, but -in retrospect- how realistic is that? Would I even want to be friends with some of these people back home? Not so much. A few of them, I kid you not are TOXIC. I am struggling with adjusting enough as it than to feel I have to pander to hang out with people who have decided (in classic groupthink) that they don't want to hang out with me before they even made an effort to get to know me. In the "real world" back home, would I ever have moved in with someone I barely knew (whose habits and lifestyle disgusted me) and who was dismissive and rude and frequently attacked me verbally? (And thus led me to move for a second time in two months in a new country.) At least in prison you get assigned a random roommate who hasn't BEGGED you to live with them and then does a complete personality 180 when you move it.
My experiences are this: Your first month in your new country is essentially an audition. If you perform well and pass the tests the "older gringos" (meaning those who are in their second year or have stayed at the school longer than their original two year contract), you are accepted into the fold of the "cool kids." If not, good luck! Heaven forbid you have difficulty adjusting to life in a new country (like Piper and her adjustment to prison), or are going through something personal (like breaking up with a long term boyfriend who wanted to marry you), or have issues with moodiness or sensitivity. You are OUT. They may be nice to your face, if you're lucky. But know they are talking trash behind your back.
Think of the pilot episode, poor Piper trying to do her best, make pleasant conversation, and then she mentioned that the food was disgusting... to the woman who happened to be the head chef. She was then blackballed, as you too might be if you don't behave "properly enough" (even thought the "cool kids" get wasted all the time, but it's okay for them), and -as a result- you too will soon feel your social isolation. So although you're in a new country, have left your friends and family and boyfriend (now ex) behind, your first month is truly your audition period. It's so wrong, but it is what is is. Yes, you're going through an unbelievable amount of stress and change and would be nice to have some friends in the same boat to talk things over with. But if you've already failed to jump through their hoops, go find another shoulder to cry on. Or better yet, don't cry at all. Because crying meant you
re too sensitive and no one wants to feel as though they have to "walk on eggshells" around you.
Meanwhile, while you're crying yourself to sleep at night, the "cool girls," they're just transitioning without any bumps in the road. They are suddenly besties and taking weekend trips every weekend and posting "I love these girls!" and "Best Weekend Ever!" photos on faceboook. They may, if you're lucky, give you another "audition" after a month or so, but you best be on your best behavior. Don't drink too much. Don't share too much. Be just bland enough to follow along with the herd. Otherwise, they'll continue to be nice to your face at school, but you'll see them all with their suitcases at school on Fridays on their way to (yet another) weekend trip. No, you were invited. Did you want to be? I think it hurts the most because these were the people I THOUGHT would be my friends. We're the single ones in the same age range! But not so much.
Just had to vent. But if people are going to judge me based on my first month in a new country after leaving my family and friends and breaking up with my long-term BF, what am I do? I have to consistently remind myself that I am who I am and those who like me will and those who don't, don't. We can all make positive changes in our lives, but I'm not the only one with work to do. But have I called out any of these girls as they have called me out? Nope. My goal is, in time, to make my own friends and go on my own girl trips so I no longer feel left. But it still sucks to know a group has formed and you are intentionally being left out for who you are as a person (especially when I consider myself to be a good person). Especially in a new country while trying to build a new life.
Like I've said, I've become friends with two other girls at my school and I really like them both. But one is married and one lives with her boyfriend, so I kind of always feel like the fifth wheel. I enjoy spending time all five of us, and like the husband and the boyfriend, but it would nice to have some single girlfriends around my age who'd be up for taking trips, exploring, etc. Not that married people and couples can't do that; it's just tougher. I also have two new gay besties. It's nice hanging out with a guy and not worrying about all the dating nonsense. But still missing: 1) single girlfriends, and 2) straight, tall, successful guys to date.
5. Starting Season 2 now. Stay tuned for more Moving Abroad Can Feel Like Prison updates.
And here we go, how moving abroad is much like going to prison:
1. You both leave your family behind. Ironically, however, it's much easier for your family to come visit you in prison than in a foreign country,
2. You leave your closest friends behind while continuing to get updates on their fabulous lives "on the outside" (or, in my case, back home). See above note about visitation.
3. You breakup with your significant other, if not immediately when you leave then after you both realize it's unrealistic
4. You both have to deal with major cliques. In "Orange in the New Black," the cliques are mostly based on race and ethnicity. In my world, the locals tend to hang out with one another and the gringos tend to hang out with one another. But within the gringo side, several mini-cliques form pretty much immediately upon arrival. During the interview process and upon your arrival, you are given the (false) impression that all the gringos become friends, but -in retrospect- how realistic is that? Would I even want to be friends with some of these people back home? Not so much. A few of them, I kid you not are TOXIC. I am struggling with adjusting enough as it than to feel I have to pander to hang out with people who have decided (in classic groupthink) that they don't want to hang out with me before they even made an effort to get to know me. In the "real world" back home, would I ever have moved in with someone I barely knew (whose habits and lifestyle disgusted me) and who was dismissive and rude and frequently attacked me verbally? (And thus led me to move for a second time in two months in a new country.) At least in prison you get assigned a random roommate who hasn't BEGGED you to live with them and then does a complete personality 180 when you move it.
My experiences are this: Your first month in your new country is essentially an audition. If you perform well and pass the tests the "older gringos" (meaning those who are in their second year or have stayed at the school longer than their original two year contract), you are accepted into the fold of the "cool kids." If not, good luck! Heaven forbid you have difficulty adjusting to life in a new country (like Piper and her adjustment to prison), or are going through something personal (like breaking up with a long term boyfriend who wanted to marry you), or have issues with moodiness or sensitivity. You are OUT. They may be nice to your face, if you're lucky. But know they are talking trash behind your back.
Think of the pilot episode, poor Piper trying to do her best, make pleasant conversation, and then she mentioned that the food was disgusting... to the woman who happened to be the head chef. She was then blackballed, as you too might be if you don't behave "properly enough" (even thought the "cool kids" get wasted all the time, but it's okay for them), and -as a result- you too will soon feel your social isolation. So although you're in a new country, have left your friends and family and boyfriend (now ex) behind, your first month is truly your audition period. It's so wrong, but it is what is is. Yes, you're going through an unbelievable amount of stress and change and would be nice to have some friends in the same boat to talk things over with. But if you've already failed to jump through their hoops, go find another shoulder to cry on. Or better yet, don't cry at all. Because crying meant you
re too sensitive and no one wants to feel as though they have to "walk on eggshells" around you.
Meanwhile, while you're crying yourself to sleep at night, the "cool girls," they're just transitioning without any bumps in the road. They are suddenly besties and taking weekend trips every weekend and posting "I love these girls!" and "Best Weekend Ever!" photos on faceboook. They may, if you're lucky, give you another "audition" after a month or so, but you best be on your best behavior. Don't drink too much. Don't share too much. Be just bland enough to follow along with the herd. Otherwise, they'll continue to be nice to your face at school, but you'll see them all with their suitcases at school on Fridays on their way to (yet another) weekend trip. No, you were invited. Did you want to be? I think it hurts the most because these were the people I THOUGHT would be my friends. We're the single ones in the same age range! But not so much.
Just had to vent. But if people are going to judge me based on my first month in a new country after leaving my family and friends and breaking up with my long-term BF, what am I do? I have to consistently remind myself that I am who I am and those who like me will and those who don't, don't. We can all make positive changes in our lives, but I'm not the only one with work to do. But have I called out any of these girls as they have called me out? Nope. My goal is, in time, to make my own friends and go on my own girl trips so I no longer feel left. But it still sucks to know a group has formed and you are intentionally being left out for who you are as a person (especially when I consider myself to be a good person). Especially in a new country while trying to build a new life.
Like I've said, I've become friends with two other girls at my school and I really like them both. But one is married and one lives with her boyfriend, so I kind of always feel like the fifth wheel. I enjoy spending time all five of us, and like the husband and the boyfriend, but it would nice to have some single girlfriends around my age who'd be up for taking trips, exploring, etc. Not that married people and couples can't do that; it's just tougher. I also have two new gay besties. It's nice hanging out with a guy and not worrying about all the dating nonsense. But still missing: 1) single girlfriends, and 2) straight, tall, successful guys to date.
5. Starting Season 2 now. Stay tuned for more Moving Abroad Can Feel Like Prison updates.
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
And I'm feeling good...
In case you haven't noticed by my posts lately, I haven't been in the best of spirits as of late. For some reason though, the past two days I've been in a better mood. I think (and I know this sounds silly) it has something to do with something a new friend posted on his facebook. I had to repost it because it resonated so strongly with me. Here it is:
The ones that resonated with me the most were #5, #9, #10, and #11.
#5 and #9) Never speak bad about myself and be kind to myself. This is a daily struggle. I tell myself I'm a failure because I'm not where I thought I would be at my age. I thought I would be married with children. Looking on facebook, it seems like everyone else is (which is partially why I felt the need to quit FB last month). Of course, we know that most people only project their best selves and the best parts of their lives on FB. I mean, who wants the world to know that we are struggling or that we are simply keeping up a facade?
Now, when I find myself comparing myself to others (which is often) and feeling bad about my "lot in life," I try to tell myself I am where the Universe wants me to be. I may be struggling, but all of those "happy" and "perfect" people most likely have struggles of their own as well. They may be living boring, domestic lives in loveless marriages for all we know. Since becoming a teacher five years ago, I had a dream to live and teach in a Spanish-speaking country. I made that happen, and I should feel good about myself for that. The rest, hopefully, will follow.
#10) Let go of what I can't control. I had some issues with some of the teachers when I first got here; they told me I was "too sensitive" and "too emotional" and that that made them feel as though they were "walking on eggshells" around me. Yes, I am a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). Yes, this is actual thing (found in about 15-20% of the population) and, if interested, you can read more about it here: http://www.hsperson.com/
My senses do get overwhelmed. But I should not have to apologize for who I am or beg for anyone's friendship. If someone has been ugly to me in the past, and I have to see them everyday, I have to let go of the anger. I cannot control the way they acted toward me in the past, nor can I control the way they treat me now. I am who I am. They are who they are. We all have our own "stuff." Perhaps some of the rudeness was projected onto me for things they are going through. Who knows? But no use dwelling on the past. I have to learn to live in the NOW.
#11) Stay away from drama and negativity. This one has perhaps been the most difficult. I was bombarded with a lot of potentially negative setbacks upon moving to a Costa Rica to pursue my dream. Leaving all that was comfortable, leaving my family and friends, selling my beloved Acura and becoming car-less for the first time since the age of sixteen, breaking up with a long-term boyfriend who wanted to marry me, difficulty making friends, moving twice in three months, having my cell phone stolen, a health scare-- all while figuring out the way things work at a new (and very prestigious) school. I could see these at setbacks, and -for so long-- I felt like the Universe was "against me" and "out to get me" and that perpetual unhappiness was just the way it would always be for me. But I'm now, finally, in the process of not only noticing, but of trying to change these thought patterns. I can either see all of these things at setbacks or as opportunities for growth. It's MY choice. I am trying to learn to choose the latter.
More later about good people the Universe has miraculously brought into my life at just the right time. Now, back to grading Science tests.
Pura Vida,
t
The ones that resonated with me the most were #5, #9, #10, and #11.
#5 and #9) Never speak bad about myself and be kind to myself. This is a daily struggle. I tell myself I'm a failure because I'm not where I thought I would be at my age. I thought I would be married with children. Looking on facebook, it seems like everyone else is (which is partially why I felt the need to quit FB last month). Of course, we know that most people only project their best selves and the best parts of their lives on FB. I mean, who wants the world to know that we are struggling or that we are simply keeping up a facade?
Now, when I find myself comparing myself to others (which is often) and feeling bad about my "lot in life," I try to tell myself I am where the Universe wants me to be. I may be struggling, but all of those "happy" and "perfect" people most likely have struggles of their own as well. They may be living boring, domestic lives in loveless marriages for all we know. Since becoming a teacher five years ago, I had a dream to live and teach in a Spanish-speaking country. I made that happen, and I should feel good about myself for that. The rest, hopefully, will follow.
#10) Let go of what I can't control. I had some issues with some of the teachers when I first got here; they told me I was "too sensitive" and "too emotional" and that that made them feel as though they were "walking on eggshells" around me. Yes, I am a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). Yes, this is actual thing (found in about 15-20% of the population) and, if interested, you can read more about it here: http://www.hsperson.com/
My senses do get overwhelmed. But I should not have to apologize for who I am or beg for anyone's friendship. If someone has been ugly to me in the past, and I have to see them everyday, I have to let go of the anger. I cannot control the way they acted toward me in the past, nor can I control the way they treat me now. I am who I am. They are who they are. We all have our own "stuff." Perhaps some of the rudeness was projected onto me for things they are going through. Who knows? But no use dwelling on the past. I have to learn to live in the NOW.
#11) Stay away from drama and negativity. This one has perhaps been the most difficult. I was bombarded with a lot of potentially negative setbacks upon moving to a Costa Rica to pursue my dream. Leaving all that was comfortable, leaving my family and friends, selling my beloved Acura and becoming car-less for the first time since the age of sixteen, breaking up with a long-term boyfriend who wanted to marry me, difficulty making friends, moving twice in three months, having my cell phone stolen, a health scare-- all while figuring out the way things work at a new (and very prestigious) school. I could see these at setbacks, and -for so long-- I felt like the Universe was "against me" and "out to get me" and that perpetual unhappiness was just the way it would always be for me. But I'm now, finally, in the process of not only noticing, but of trying to change these thought patterns. I can either see all of these things at setbacks or as opportunities for growth. It's MY choice. I am trying to learn to choose the latter.
More later about good people the Universe has miraculously brought into my life at just the right time. Now, back to grading Science tests.
Pura Vida,
t
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
Grocery Progression and Dating Regression
Always start with positive, right?
1. Grocery Store Progress
You already know I loathe the grocery down the street. It's the type of "discount" chain that saves money by displaying merchandise in boxes, having a small selection, no customer service, and generally only one cashier open. I've also been warned by CR veterans to always check expiration dates there. The only reason I go is that it's walking distance from my house and I'm pretty sure the "Super" (which is what Ticos call convenience stores without gas pumps) next door charges me more because I'm a gringa (even though I speak to them in Spanish every time and let them know that I actually live here).
Today, after I got off the "teacher bus" that takes us home (still so weird not having a car but nice that my school provides transportation), I ran into my maid. By the way, yes, CR is crazy expensive. But this is the first time that I've ever been able to afford a maid. It makes me feel somewhat special. Even though I live in a so-so apartment; I'm a teacher and I have a maid who does an awesome job. And the cost? $4/ hour. She cleans for 3 hours a week (dishes, laundry, changes sheets, etc) so it only costs me $12/ week.
Anyhow, ran into my maid and told her I was on my way to the store and asked her if I needed to pick up any additional cleaning supplies. She told me she was on the way to the store too, so we walked together. We walked through the cleaning aisles and she told me exactly what she needed. How above and beyond is that? Ticos can be be nice, which will seem contradictory when I move on to Topic 2...
Got the stuff. Got into the ONE checkout lane. Shocker, right? At this point, the line is about ten deep. Some people have carts full, some have baskets full, and some people have ONE item. But an express lane? No, CR is not ready for such fanciness. So, of course, we all start chatting/ complaining in line about how "it's always like this." There was actually a cute Tico behind me and we were actually making small talk in both English and Spanish. I thought to myself, "Wow, maybe people do meet people in grocery stores." But I checked out and I told him to have a good night and... that was it. Surprisingly, I didn't check for a wedding ring. But, from what I've heard, Ticos either 1) don't wear one, or 2) are apt to have girlfriends on the side. Bottom line: We had some good laughs in (yet another) extremely annoying grocery line. Good people. At the store only, maybe?
2. Dating Regression
I have officially deactivated my okcupid account. I had to. It was just too much. You hear so many stereotypes about Ticos and, unfortunately, the sample I met proved them to be mostly true. In review, here are "reviews" of my experiences dating Ticos:
1) The guy who wanted to keep me a "secret" because he had an "ex-girlfriend" in another country. (See prior post) I was the first girl he'd ever met through okcupid. After our third date, he closed his account saying it made him feel "weird."
2) The guy who went from super sweet and affectionate on our first date to super nonchalant and non-affectionate on our second date (which is probably not a Tico thing... thinking he just lost interest in my awesomeness for some odd reason). He also then closed his account, saying it's not how he's "used to meeting people."
3) The guy who was obsessed with making a date with me. We became FB friends and he was constantly sending me messages. I felt like it was a bit much, so -yes- I wasn't super-responsive. He got offended, sent me messages about how I was clearly not interested, and then deleted me as a friend. I actually ended up meeting him in real life just to calm him down. He was sweet and very much a gentleman, but I didn't feel any chemistry. Plus, he hadn't finished college and that is a huge pre-requisite for me. We have, however, hung out two more times. Really when I just needed a friend. I think he knows that. I am not one to use people at all, and I hope he can see that in me. He's a good guy, but I just don't think the romantic connection is there. We are FB friends again though.
4) The boring engineer. On a positive note, there are LOADS of engineers on dating sites here. But I was seriously yawning after two beers and went home.
5) Long, greasy hair guy. Who, by the way, in a nod to how freaking small this country is good friends with "the boring engineer." We had already set the date and Monday date (this guy) told Friday date (last guy) that we going to meet me. 4.8 million people live in this country. Yes, the size of a large city in the States, but what are the odds that my back to back dates are besties? Nice enough, but no attraction. Found myself giving him more advice on the ins and outs on online dating rather than really connecting...
6) My first real hope. Attractive and an engineer. But (in retrospect) pretty affectionate for a first date. We had made plans to have our second date on the Saturday following Halloween. I had had a pretty rough night the night before, as I had my cell phone stolen. All my pictures, not only from CR but from the US as well, were gone. (Or so I thought... many have since been recovered from the miraculous google cloud). Anyhow, I thought we were going to spend a nice Saturday together, as he knew I had just experienced a horrible night prior. But apparently he "got busy helping a friend move" all day and proceeded to show up at my house at 10pm with a six pack and plans for us "to watch a movie" so I'd feel better. Details withheld, he ended up having a different idea of "comforting" me than I had naively anticipated. He was ultimately physically aggressive and I was uncomfortable. Nothing happened, but he left after midnight and he is now blocked.
So there you have it... my Tico experience. I realize six dudes ("maes") do not a country represent. But just had to vent. Here's to meeting people organically. We'll see.
xo,
t
1. Grocery Store Progress
You already know I loathe the grocery down the street. It's the type of "discount" chain that saves money by displaying merchandise in boxes, having a small selection, no customer service, and generally only one cashier open. I've also been warned by CR veterans to always check expiration dates there. The only reason I go is that it's walking distance from my house and I'm pretty sure the "Super" (which is what Ticos call convenience stores without gas pumps) next door charges me more because I'm a gringa (even though I speak to them in Spanish every time and let them know that I actually live here).
Today, after I got off the "teacher bus" that takes us home (still so weird not having a car but nice that my school provides transportation), I ran into my maid. By the way, yes, CR is crazy expensive. But this is the first time that I've ever been able to afford a maid. It makes me feel somewhat special. Even though I live in a so-so apartment; I'm a teacher and I have a maid who does an awesome job. And the cost? $4/ hour. She cleans for 3 hours a week (dishes, laundry, changes sheets, etc) so it only costs me $12/ week.
Anyhow, ran into my maid and told her I was on my way to the store and asked her if I needed to pick up any additional cleaning supplies. She told me she was on the way to the store too, so we walked together. We walked through the cleaning aisles and she told me exactly what she needed. How above and beyond is that? Ticos can be be nice, which will seem contradictory when I move on to Topic 2...
Got the stuff. Got into the ONE checkout lane. Shocker, right? At this point, the line is about ten deep. Some people have carts full, some have baskets full, and some people have ONE item. But an express lane? No, CR is not ready for such fanciness. So, of course, we all start chatting/ complaining in line about how "it's always like this." There was actually a cute Tico behind me and we were actually making small talk in both English and Spanish. I thought to myself, "Wow, maybe people do meet people in grocery stores." But I checked out and I told him to have a good night and... that was it. Surprisingly, I didn't check for a wedding ring. But, from what I've heard, Ticos either 1) don't wear one, or 2) are apt to have girlfriends on the side. Bottom line: We had some good laughs in (yet another) extremely annoying grocery line. Good people. At the store only, maybe?
2. Dating Regression
I have officially deactivated my okcupid account. I had to. It was just too much. You hear so many stereotypes about Ticos and, unfortunately, the sample I met proved them to be mostly true. In review, here are "reviews" of my experiences dating Ticos:
1) The guy who wanted to keep me a "secret" because he had an "ex-girlfriend" in another country. (See prior post) I was the first girl he'd ever met through okcupid. After our third date, he closed his account saying it made him feel "weird."
2) The guy who went from super sweet and affectionate on our first date to super nonchalant and non-affectionate on our second date (which is probably not a Tico thing... thinking he just lost interest in my awesomeness for some odd reason). He also then closed his account, saying it's not how he's "used to meeting people."
3) The guy who was obsessed with making a date with me. We became FB friends and he was constantly sending me messages. I felt like it was a bit much, so -yes- I wasn't super-responsive. He got offended, sent me messages about how I was clearly not interested, and then deleted me as a friend. I actually ended up meeting him in real life just to calm him down. He was sweet and very much a gentleman, but I didn't feel any chemistry. Plus, he hadn't finished college and that is a huge pre-requisite for me. We have, however, hung out two more times. Really when I just needed a friend. I think he knows that. I am not one to use people at all, and I hope he can see that in me. He's a good guy, but I just don't think the romantic connection is there. We are FB friends again though.
4) The boring engineer. On a positive note, there are LOADS of engineers on dating sites here. But I was seriously yawning after two beers and went home.
5) Long, greasy hair guy. Who, by the way, in a nod to how freaking small this country is good friends with "the boring engineer." We had already set the date and Monday date (this guy) told Friday date (last guy) that we going to meet me. 4.8 million people live in this country. Yes, the size of a large city in the States, but what are the odds that my back to back dates are besties? Nice enough, but no attraction. Found myself giving him more advice on the ins and outs on online dating rather than really connecting...
6) My first real hope. Attractive and an engineer. But (in retrospect) pretty affectionate for a first date. We had made plans to have our second date on the Saturday following Halloween. I had had a pretty rough night the night before, as I had my cell phone stolen. All my pictures, not only from CR but from the US as well, were gone. (Or so I thought... many have since been recovered from the miraculous google cloud). Anyhow, I thought we were going to spend a nice Saturday together, as he knew I had just experienced a horrible night prior. But apparently he "got busy helping a friend move" all day and proceeded to show up at my house at 10pm with a six pack and plans for us "to watch a movie" so I'd feel better. Details withheld, he ended up having a different idea of "comforting" me than I had naively anticipated. He was ultimately physically aggressive and I was uncomfortable. Nothing happened, but he left after midnight and he is now blocked.
So there you have it... my Tico experience. I realize six dudes ("maes") do not a country represent. But just had to vent. Here's to meeting people organically. We'll see.
xo,
t
Tuesday, November 4, 2014
Playing detective...
Decided to channel my days as a criminal prosecutor and play detective and it actually worked out (as best as a theft situation can). Used several "Find My Android" apps to find out that my phone was last online Sunday (after I "lost" it on Friday) and had since been registered with a new network in CR. Talked to both the CR network and T-Mobile and they promptly "blacklisted" the IMEI, so the phone is now wiped clean, completely useless, and will not function with any SIM. Meanwhile, I've ordered a new (refurbished) Galaxy S4 and am in better spirits. Hope el ladron enjoys his or her new paperweight. Para la justicia!
xo,
t
xo,
t
Sunday, November 2, 2014
Grocery Store Growth
Starting to come to terms with losing my phone. Have already bought a new one and hopefully will survive with this awesome non-smart phone (circa 1994) until it arrives. Luckily, through the help of some tech-savvy friends, I discovered that my calendar info was saved on my gmail. But my Notes with my baby names? No such luck. And yes, you better believe I restarted the list yesterday. I'm thinking the ones I still remember must be the ones I like the most, yes?
Anyhow, today I went to the grocery store down the road... which -I kid you not-- is one of my least favorite places here. It's so ghetto, but it's the only store within walking distance. It's this discount type place that claims that they "pass the savings on to you" by keeping all of their merchandise in boxes and having no customer service. Generally, there is ONE cashier (despite the fact they have four checkout lanes). Of course, there is nothing so advanced as an express lane (i.e. ten items or less) in these parts. If the line for the ONE checkout gets to be about 10-15 people, the ONE cashier will then press the buzzer to attempt to secure extra help. Usually it takes about 3-4 rings of the bell. #thirdworldproblems
After a particularly trying weekend, I was trying my best to be patient (which has generally never been my strong suit). I had THREE items and was waiting in line behind people with carts filled to the brim with groceries. The gentleman in front of me only had TWO items and insisted that I go ahead of him. When I told him that he had fewer items and should maintain his spot in the crazy line, he insisted (in Spanish) on "ladies first."
The gentleman who was now behind me had rat poison. The ladies in front of me started asking him about it. He said he "waging a war" against baby rats in his home. I told him I was dealing with something similar: baby cockroaches. The couple behind him chimed in and told me that Boric Acid (capitalized or no?) and Laurel (sp?) leaves were the best for getting rid of "las cucarachas." As we all made small talk about the various rodents and insects in our homes that we were trying to eliminate and joked about how this store is always so slow, it occurred to me how lovely some Ticos can be. They had me belly laughing in a horrible line when I was pissy after a horrible weekend and just wanting to get "home." So thank you, Mr. Baby Rat Man and Mrs. Boric Acid. You have given me a tad of hope about this new place I'm calling home at a time when I needed it most.
XO,
t
Anyhow, today I went to the grocery store down the road... which -I kid you not-- is one of my least favorite places here. It's so ghetto, but it's the only store within walking distance. It's this discount type place that claims that they "pass the savings on to you" by keeping all of their merchandise in boxes and having no customer service. Generally, there is ONE cashier (despite the fact they have four checkout lanes). Of course, there is nothing so advanced as an express lane (i.e. ten items or less) in these parts. If the line for the ONE checkout gets to be about 10-15 people, the ONE cashier will then press the buzzer to attempt to secure extra help. Usually it takes about 3-4 rings of the bell. #thirdworldproblems
After a particularly trying weekend, I was trying my best to be patient (which has generally never been my strong suit). I had THREE items and was waiting in line behind people with carts filled to the brim with groceries. The gentleman in front of me only had TWO items and insisted that I go ahead of him. When I told him that he had fewer items and should maintain his spot in the crazy line, he insisted (in Spanish) on "ladies first."
The gentleman who was now behind me had rat poison. The ladies in front of me started asking him about it. He said he "waging a war" against baby rats in his home. I told him I was dealing with something similar: baby cockroaches. The couple behind him chimed in and told me that Boric Acid (capitalized or no?) and Laurel (sp?) leaves were the best for getting rid of "las cucarachas." As we all made small talk about the various rodents and insects in our homes that we were trying to eliminate and joked about how this store is always so slow, it occurred to me how lovely some Ticos can be. They had me belly laughing in a horrible line when I was pissy after a horrible weekend and just wanting to get "home." So thank you, Mr. Baby Rat Man and Mrs. Boric Acid. You have given me a tad of hope about this new place I'm calling home at a time when I needed it most.
XO,
t
Saturday, November 1, 2014
No Phone. No Phone.
Yes, that was a Cake reference. So, last night some Halloween ghosts decided to fly away with my phone. It's my fault. I think I either left it on the table at the bar or in the taxi. It's probably already been sold on the black market, but I'm trying not to give up hope. There are honest people out there, right? And surely my taxi driver will remember a blonde gringa dressed up as La Catrina?
Losing your first real smartphone with all your pictures and videos messages from family and friends when you've just moved to a new country (and are having trouble adjusting) has actually been pretty traumatizing. I literally spent all day turning my apartment upside down hoping to find it. I looked in the pillows, under the bed, under the couch cushions, in the closet-- even in the fridge.
It's not the phone. It's what on it. So many memories. The irony is that my mini-memory card has been full for awhile now, so I have been to the ONE store in the nearby mall that sells them for the past two days in an effort to buy a new one. And? They've been out both days. Had I just been able to replace the card a day or two ago, my phone would have been much less filled with memories. Odd to think of it that way (and probably not the healthiest), but I have to get it out. I've always been told not to "should" on yourself. I should have done this, I should have done that. I should have bought a new mini-memory card, but I couldn't. So there's no "should" there, right?
Racking my brain about what I've lost. How many photos did I say I was going to put on Dropbox and just never did? Checked my Dropbox and have good collection on there from the past year, so that's something. But the videos of my nephew (now in 3rd grade) as he was proudly singing me a song with the names of all the states?
So today I tried to suspend my number by chatting with a support person from my CR provider online. They couldn't do it by phone, so I had to go to a store. I walk to the store and am told they can do nothing for me without my passport, since I got the phone with my passport. So I walk back home and return to the mall with my passport. By the way, when you enter any cell phone store in CR, women have to open their handbags and men are scanned with a handheld scanner. Security is intense and it makes me uneasy. Much like the endless fences and barbed wire... it's all very unsettling. Especially when you are constantly told how "peaceful" CR is and constantly reminded of the fact they abolished their army in 1948.
My calendar is also gone. Everything was on that app. Let's hope I get reminders for all the appointments I had coming up. And the notes app? I had SO much on there. Don't laugh, but a list of girls' names and boy's names for my future kiddos. A list of all the movies I saw with my ex-boyfriend. A list of positives and negatives about said ex. A list of places I must check out in CR. I know it sounds silly, but these are things that can't be recreated easily. They were created in the moment and reflect the moment in which they were created.
I've been trying to look at setbacks as positives lately. And this is the perfect opportunity. People always used to tell me I was on my phone too much. Losing it has seriously made me feel like I'm without a limb. But going back to my "dumb phone" (a non-smartphone) has made me check it less. There is no internet. There is no Facebook (in another stroke of irony, today was the day I returned to FB from my month-long hiatus and I was going to post pics of everything I did over the month of October). So I'm trying to find some positivity in this. Maybe I will be less reliant on my phone, which will allow me to focus more on the people directly in front of me and nurturing my relationships with them.
Part of me wants to scour sites like craigslist here in CR (and, yes, I already have) and try to buy my own phone back. But everything I've read says not to take stuff like this into your own hands. As I've mentioned before though, everything is SO expensive here. I checked today at the Samsung store, and my Galaxy S4 is $591. I found a used one online for $281 and am thinking about getting that, but how do I know I'm not buying a stolen phone that has also been deactivated?
I know this probably has not been the most interesting of posts. But I just had to get this off my chest. How reliant we are on technology. The meaning and the value that we place in the phone we have. How much time we spend staring at and swiping on a small screen instead of building relationships. Is it all worth it? I know people say memories are better than pictures, but I seriously have a shite memory and need those reminders of the past. But I also have an issue with focusing too much on the past, so maybe this is some twisted blessing in disguise. An erasure of the past year... if you will.
Wish me strength.
XO,
t
Losing your first real smartphone with all your pictures and videos messages from family and friends when you've just moved to a new country (and are having trouble adjusting) has actually been pretty traumatizing. I literally spent all day turning my apartment upside down hoping to find it. I looked in the pillows, under the bed, under the couch cushions, in the closet-- even in the fridge.
It's not the phone. It's what on it. So many memories. The irony is that my mini-memory card has been full for awhile now, so I have been to the ONE store in the nearby mall that sells them for the past two days in an effort to buy a new one. And? They've been out both days. Had I just been able to replace the card a day or two ago, my phone would have been much less filled with memories. Odd to think of it that way (and probably not the healthiest), but I have to get it out. I've always been told not to "should" on yourself. I should have done this, I should have done that. I should have bought a new mini-memory card, but I couldn't. So there's no "should" there, right?
Racking my brain about what I've lost. How many photos did I say I was going to put on Dropbox and just never did? Checked my Dropbox and have good collection on there from the past year, so that's something. But the videos of my nephew (now in 3rd grade) as he was proudly singing me a song with the names of all the states?
So today I tried to suspend my number by chatting with a support person from my CR provider online. They couldn't do it by phone, so I had to go to a store. I walk to the store and am told they can do nothing for me without my passport, since I got the phone with my passport. So I walk back home and return to the mall with my passport. By the way, when you enter any cell phone store in CR, women have to open their handbags and men are scanned with a handheld scanner. Security is intense and it makes me uneasy. Much like the endless fences and barbed wire... it's all very unsettling. Especially when you are constantly told how "peaceful" CR is and constantly reminded of the fact they abolished their army in 1948.
My calendar is also gone. Everything was on that app. Let's hope I get reminders for all the appointments I had coming up. And the notes app? I had SO much on there. Don't laugh, but a list of girls' names and boy's names for my future kiddos. A list of all the movies I saw with my ex-boyfriend. A list of positives and negatives about said ex. A list of places I must check out in CR. I know it sounds silly, but these are things that can't be recreated easily. They were created in the moment and reflect the moment in which they were created.
I've been trying to look at setbacks as positives lately. And this is the perfect opportunity. People always used to tell me I was on my phone too much. Losing it has seriously made me feel like I'm without a limb. But going back to my "dumb phone" (a non-smartphone) has made me check it less. There is no internet. There is no Facebook (in another stroke of irony, today was the day I returned to FB from my month-long hiatus and I was going to post pics of everything I did over the month of October). So I'm trying to find some positivity in this. Maybe I will be less reliant on my phone, which will allow me to focus more on the people directly in front of me and nurturing my relationships with them.
Part of me wants to scour sites like craigslist here in CR (and, yes, I already have) and try to buy my own phone back. But everything I've read says not to take stuff like this into your own hands. As I've mentioned before though, everything is SO expensive here. I checked today at the Samsung store, and my Galaxy S4 is $591. I found a used one online for $281 and am thinking about getting that, but how do I know I'm not buying a stolen phone that has also been deactivated?
I know this probably has not been the most interesting of posts. But I just had to get this off my chest. How reliant we are on technology. The meaning and the value that we place in the phone we have. How much time we spend staring at and swiping on a small screen instead of building relationships. Is it all worth it? I know people say memories are better than pictures, but I seriously have a shite memory and need those reminders of the past. But I also have an issue with focusing too much on the past, so maybe this is some twisted blessing in disguise. An erasure of the past year... if you will.
Wish me strength.
XO,
t
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