Take all of your so called problems...

... better put 'em in quotations. - John Mayer, "Say"

I am who I am. People are who they are. I can't make someone like me. I can go out on two amazing dates with a guy and have him disappear and be okay. It's not the end of the world. My life will go on. It's better to find out now this guy is a d-bag then some time down the line when I find out I'm the girl on the side or -worse-- he's married.

So I'm practicing this new emotional management technique called "ABC." It looks at the actions that occur in my life and whether my beliefs about myself in response to them are rational or irrational. Then, as a result, we look at the consequences of those beliefs.

A (Activating Event)
B (Belief)
C (Consequence)

This morning, I got to test it out...

A= Girl who I've been having issues with all semester is having breakfast with four other teachers (myself included). We're talking about who should be on the social committee. She chimes in "Well, I already am... since I'm the 'Queen Bee.'" This comment was clearly aimed at me, since she told me she felt like I was painting her in the role of the Queen Bee/ Mean Girl at the beginning of the year.

B= I knew she wanted to bait. And I wanted to. I wanted to say something like "Really, again? I thought that we had moved on" or "I never called you that." But instead, I didn't. I just ignored her. Why? Because it was belief at that time that engaging her on that topic would cause me more grief that reward. So I looked away, switched the subject, and moved on.

C= The consequence is that I'm having a good day. I am by myself while they are all having a "grading party" in her room without me. But, as I said earlier, I can't force people to like me. All I can do is continue taking proactive steps to work on myself. Regulating my emotions and tolerating distress are my two main focuses right now. We'll get into living in the present and not comparing myself to others next...

Sure this won't be my first ABC test today. But, for now, it's back to grading for me.

A= Christmas lunch for all of the elementary school
B= I thought it was just for a handful of people. And there was a lot of meat on the menu, so I decided not to go. 

XO,

t