Boredom and Rabbit Holes

I had been feeling particularly zen since I went to the States last month and came back a few weeks ago. Until now. Will write more about my trip home (what is home?) later, but for now my focus is how I'm feeling now. I need to write it out.

I am NOT good and being bored and having nothing to do. I had to come back to CR a few weeks ago because I'm doing my master's and I had classes for two weeks. But now I have this random week off before the kids come back to school and I am going batty. I went on the spur-of-the-moment beach trip with a friend, but the hippie dippie hostel where we stayed made that more stressful than relaxing. The beach town was not even town. I kid you not, there were a handful of hostels, a few restaurants, and two grocery stores. And to get to the nearest grocery you had to walk 40 minutes. Most of it on the highway. I will post my review of the hostel below, just because I feel like it's well-written and also somewhat entertaining. But the problem at the hostel was the same: Nothing to do. People were content just sitting around. And I know that the fact I can't sit still and need to be busy is indicative of a larger problem. I know I need to learn to just BE. But for now, I am restless.

I could not get out of that damn hostel fast enough. I would rather be bored with the comforts of my own bed, privacy, hot showers, and freedom from hippie one-upping. But today has been brutal. I know I should just read a book or watch a movie. But I keep thinking about where everyone else is in life at my age. My best friend in Austin is married and just had her SECOND child last week. Other friends have been in relationships for years and years. I know that I'm doing cool things here that they are not, but it still stings when you sucked into that thought pattern. I know I need to change it. I need a mantra or something. My therapist brought up a really good point. She told me to think of my time in CR as "me time" and "time to recharge" and to not worry about dating and meeting my future hubby and all of that. It worked for a few weeks, but yesterday I hit the wall again.

Facebook can be so evil sometimes. It takes you down rabbit holes in your past, which then leads you to another rabbit hole, etc. Today, I "liked" a post by a mutual friend of my ex. Then I saw that she is still friends with his brother. So then I went to his brother's page and he had just posted a music video he had shot of my ex and his wife. Of course, I watched the whole thing and got sucked in to thinking about the past. Did I make a mistake by breaking up with him? If I had never broken up with him, he would never have been in this band with his (now) wife. Or, would they have been in a band together, but just never been a couple? Would he have proposed? Would I have become the ultimate hipster? Would I have been happy? I always say that, thus far, my two biggest regrets in life are: 1) not quitting law school, and 2) breaking up with this guy. But I have to remember this:



Thankfully, No Facebook February is coming up. It could not have come at better time. Wish me luck with my endless quest to focus on the present.

xo,

t