By now, I'm sure you've all heard of "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin. My amazing aunt encouraged me to sign up for these daily affirmations about "happiness in the home." Not gonna lie, at first I was a little put off by them. Why? Because "happiness in the home" implies family. My first few daily affirmations were about encouraging your significant other. And I don't have one of those... at this moment. But I stuck with it and on day three I got this, and it has been so helpful:
One of the most surprising, and useful, things I’ve learned from my happiness project is my Third Commandment: Act the way I want to feel. Although we presume that we act because of the way we feel, in fact, we often feel because of the way we act.
More than a century ago, philosopher and psychologist William James
described this phenomenon: “Action seems to follow feeling, but really
action and feeling go together; and by regulating the action, which is
under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate
the feeling, which is not.” By acting as if you feel a certain way, you
induce that emotion in yourself. I use this strategy on myself. If I feel shy, I act friendly. If I
feel irritated, I act lovingly. This is much harder to do than it
sounds, but it’s uncannily effective.
Lately, I’ve been feeling low. I had various justifications for my
blue mood, but just last night it occurred to me – maybe it’s due to my
persistent case of viral conjunctivitis (which has been on my mind a lot). As a consequence of the conjunctivitis, my eyes well up constantly,
and I wipe tears off my face many times through the day. Maybe that’s contributing to my feelings of sadness. It sounds far-fetched – that I feel sad because my eyes are watering
as a result of eye inflammation – but I have indeed caught myself
wondering, “Why am I feeling so emotional, why am I tearing up?” My mind
was searching for an explanation that justified such a tearful
response. Actions, even involuntary actions, influence feelings. Studies show
that an artificially induced smile can prompt happier emotions, and an experiment suggests that people who use Botox are less prone to anger, because they can’t make angry, frowning faces. Usually, however, I invoke the act-the-way-I-want-to-feel
principle
not in the context of involuntary action, like tearful eyes, but in the
context of self-regulation. When I’m feeling an unpleasant feeling, I
counteract it by behaving the way I wish I felt — when I feel like
yelling at my children, I make a joke; when I feel annoyed with a sales
clerk, I start acting chatty.
It really works. When I can make myself do it.
What's
uncanny is that this theory is just like one of the emotional regulation
principles I learned in DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy),
which is "Opposite to Emotion Action." When I feel sad, I'm supposed to do or watch
something happy or funny. When I feel mad, I'm supposed to do something
loving or sweet, etc. Too cool.
To start, try smiling when you're pissed. (Which is much like another DBT principle for "distress tolerance" called "half-smiling.") Basically, just pretend. Smile even if you're not feeling it and your mood will improve. Ask people how their day is going even if you're having a crappy day. The positive vibes (for lack of a better term) you are putting out into the Universe will come back to you and, hopefully, you'll feel better.
Students are on their way up. Will write more later.
XO,
t
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